


400 lux

by Swordsandthings



Category: The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 11:34:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20656568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swordsandthings/pseuds/Swordsandthings
Summary: During the sunset Theo thinks about everything but when Boris asks him for a kiss he tries to not think of anything at all.





	400 lux

**Author's Note:**

> Title is based on the song 400 lux by Lorde. Sorry for all my misspelling, english isn't my mother language.

They were by the swings. The calm breeze and the vivid sunset framing their almost still shadows. Theo could see the colours that painted the sky, a mix of oranges and reds and pinks slowly transforming into a darkening blue. He could see them, he didn’t feel them. It was like that since his mother died.

  
Sometimes they sat there in silence. Unmovable like Las Vegas, swaying like the desert nature.

  
Boris was smoking a cigarette, smoke curling and disappearing beyond Theo’s sight. The breeze would take the smell to him, and he would take it in gladly, memorising it as another one of Bori's traits, so that when he smelled a sweater that had been discarded in his bedroom he knew who it belonged to. 

It was contrasting, the smells of the people he loved, his mother used to smell like her cologne, the cheap perfume tried to mimic the most expensive brands. A smell that wasn’t quite floral and it wasn’t that far away from it. Pipa didn’t really have a scent. Theo remembered the sugar and morphine from the lollipop, her mouth would taste of that too. Her bedroom smelled of cookies that had been baked during late afternoons and teas Hobie prepared for her, trying to calm her aching sadness and pain. Hobie smelled of ancient wood and harsh chemicals, sometimes the smell of warm bread would come to Theo too, whenever he reminisced of the times he had spent in the kitchen with him. There was Miss Barbour that had smelled of pills and her expensive perfume, the real thing his mother never had the chance to get. Then, there was Boris, he hadn’t really smelt of anything the first time he had meet him. Now his scent was of the cool desert air, the cigarettes he smoked, the pool’s chlorine and there was so much more he couldn’t name. Theo knew what that was. He was slowly starting to know him, more and more, even if he didn’t try to. The same way he had gotten to know his mom.

  
His mom had been close to him, second nature. Boris was starting to become it too.  
It was a crash that he could not stop and he also didn’t want to. It was nice to love someone, it was a different kind of love but it still existed. That’s why Theo didn’t mind it fully, because if their everything exploded it wouldn’t hurt as much as loosing his mother had. He still didn’t have everything and it was easier to loose fewer things than grander things. It still hurt nonetheless. It would hurt the day they parted, the moment Boris told him the truth about the painting ,thought he still didn’t know that, it still wouldn’t hurt as much because Boris would not be fully lost he knew he would still be alive, he had to.

  
“What are you thinking about, Potter?” Boris looked directly at Theo’s eyes. “Can I intrude? Or are you thinking about Pipa’s tits?”

  
Laugh broke the still air, “Shut up,” Boris kept looking at Theo, waiting for an answer.“Maybe I’m not thinking about anything.”

“Sounds boring,” But it wasn’t. “Wanna go somewhere and watch a movie? Maybe get high?”

  
“We can’t get high at my house,” Boris rolled his eyes. “They would smell it.”

  
“As if the would care.”

  
“And we have a test tomorrow.” Theo smiled as the other teen groaned and dropped himself from the swing to the floor.

  
“Then let’s go and study at your house.” Boris pushed Theo from the swing.

  
The walk back home was slow and everlasting. Greeting Theo’s father was faster, a simple acknowledge. On his bedroom Theo got the books from his desk while Boris sat on his bed. He took off his boots and socks and left them somewhere on the poorly decorated room.

  
“You should get some posters.”

  
“You have already said that. Besides it’s not like you have any in your bedroom.” Theo dropped the schoolwork on his bed and sat facing his friend.

  
“Yeah but I travel away all the time.”

  
“Tink you won’t stay long this time?” There was a hurt he couldn’t really hide.

  
“I'll stay just for you Potter.”

  
Theo smiled small and pushed a notebook to Boris. He started lecturing about the topics they had learned through he hadn’t really payed much attention during class. He was usually too busy feeling Boris burn a hole on the back of his neck.

  
“Kotku said I kiss bad.” Boris said five minutes after they had started working on some exercises.

  
“So.”

  
“Can you tell me I’m a good kisser?”

  
“You are a good kisser.” Theo said with na eye roll.

  
“No. I mean, could you kiss me? To see if I’m good,” Boris saw Theo’s hesitation. “Or maybe not, it’s fine.”

  
“I’e never kissed anyone.” That was a lie and they both knew it.

  
Before they could keep talking they heard the tell tale of someone coming up the stairs and walking to Theo’s bedroom. The teens pretended to study when Xandra walked in. It was strange because she rarely came to check on Theo, she usually didn’t care about what he was up to with his friend.

  
“You’re studying so hard.” They had only been home for ten minutes. “Do you want anything to drink?'

  
“Beer.” Theo gave Boris a chaste look to which he smiled.

  
“Orange juice would be good.”

  
“Orange juice is only good with vodka.”

  
Xandra gave a small laugh and left. Theo doubted she would come back.

  
“You should asks her to help you with your kissing problem.” Boris laughed at what Theo had just said.

  
“Well maybe I don’t want her help.” Blurry memories of messy kisses evaded Theo’s memories. The feelings of his hand fisting one of Boris sweater was still burned on his fingerprints. He blushed and gulped, getting air in so he wouldn’t pass out.

  
Xandra came and gave them a bottle of orange juice and a bottle of beer. Boris took a swing from his drink. Theo thought that perhaps it would be nice for once, to have memories where he was closer to boris, not just the times where he woke up from his nightmares clutching him. Those were nice because it reminded him of how he had someone there for him, even if didn’t take anything to stop the nightmares he would still have someone to comfort him.  
He tried to drink his orange juice calmly but when he crawled closer to Boris it was messy, especially with all the books in between. Boris looked up from his scribbled writing and Theo closed the gap that separated them.

  
Theo's lips were tightly closed and he could feel how dry Bori’s were. He caressed his cheek with his hand in search of some comfort and softness. He pulled away from the other teen to breathe but when he closed the gap again he was more daring. He licked Boris’s lips, softening them and then he was kissing the inside of his mouth. What had been weak memories of past kisses become real feelings on that moment.

  
A hand dropped slowly on Theo’s scalp and he took that as a cue to get closer to Boris, his hand reaching familiarly for his wool sweater.

  
For that long moment things weren’t alive like his mother used to make. Things were simply reality like he had came to realise over time but at least it was a reality where he knew he could dream and not be haunted, a reality where he could live and get loved like he once had been.


End file.
